Of Birthdays And Related Woes
by Lady Silvamord
Summary: Between woes about encroaching middle age, finding the perfect present, and impromptu latenight swims, imperial birthdays really aren't all they're cracked up to be. ::Complete::


**Note: **These two drabbles were co-written by my friend Sarah and I, as a joint commemorative birthday present for me. -grin- They were a lot of fun, and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as Sarah and I did.

Part I: Kaddar

When Kaddar was young, he used to _like_ his birthdays. If what his mother and sisters said was true, he would count the days down and follow them around for hours at a time, dropping hints about how _wonderful_ it would be for a puppy to magically appear on his doorstep.

(The puppy never appeared, and Kaddar often liked to cite that as why his birthdays seemed to go downhill from there.)

When he was fifteen and sixteen, the evenings of his birthday were usually spent trying to sneak into the wild parties of the upper years. He and his friends would invariably get very drunk, and as a result wouldn't do very well on the History of Magic tests the next day.

(There was also the time when Kaddar drunkenly declared his undying love for Professor Lindhall, but he usually tried to forget about that.)

If it was at all possible, his birthdays seemed to get even worse. After he became Emperor, there were neither puppies nor wild parties to look forward to, so he just spent those nights holed up in his study, trying to figure out _why_ the king of Galla was bent on making him so miserable.

After he married, his birthdays seemed to get better. He enjoyed getting thoroughly spoiled by Kally for one day of the year, and even though he ached from having all four of his children attack him with hugs and well-wishes first thing in the morning, it was an undeniably good feeling.

Kaddar tried to remember all of those previous birthdays when he woke up on the morning of November the twenty-sixth, but any hopes of starting the day well and forgetting exactly what age he was turning, were ground into the dust. Not by Kally's passionate happy birthday kiss (he would never complain about _that_), but by the wicked look in her eyes as she pulled away from him.

"Happy birthday, my dear, decrepit old lord," she sang, spinning around. The empress caught him by the hand, pulled him up, and inspected him closely. "Good. You aren't drooling yet. Still, you had better avoid any excitement—we don't want you to hurt your creaking bones."

Kaddar groaned. "You are determined to make today a misery, aren't you, Kally?"

She nodded sweetly, looking the picture of innocent youth.

He glared. "I will _laugh_ when you turn thirty-five."

"I have a long way to go. And by the time _I'm_ thirty-five, you're going to be…forty-one!"

"I don't like you."

Kalasin giggled. "Lack of decent comebacks—the first sign of old age. My poor, dear Kaddar."

Kaddar sighed, and ruffled her hair gloomily. "I'm depressed, Kally. Don't make fun of me."

Kalasin resisted the urge to do just that, and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. "Don't be silly. If anything, I think you've grown more handsome with age." Her hands gently smoothed out the tangles in his shoulder-length hair.

"Really?" He stood up a little straighter, not quite preening under her admiration.

"Really," she said, smiling. "You've finally grown into your ears, as well."

"_What?"_

Kalasin laughed as she heard the outraged disbelief in his voice, and glided out of reach. "Your ears always _have_ been rather large," she pointed out. "You never noticed?"

"Never," he said, in a tone as close to sulky as he could get.

Kalasin sat, and regarded him for a few moments. "You are going to be miserable all day if nobody intervenes, aren't you," she observed.

"That looks like a nice plan from here."

The empress heaved a sigh, got up from her perch, and paused for a moment in front of him, simply for dramatic effect. Her next move was to grab him by the shoulders and pull him in for a _very_ long, _very_ intense kiss that left him completely winded.

"What was that?" he asked, once he had regained his breath. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I never thought I'd tell you," she replied, leaning against the side of the door. "But I've always had a bit of a soft spot for older men. You fit the category rather nicely, now. I couldn't resist." Kally blew him a kiss, and dashed out of the room, leaving him standing dumbfounded.

Maybe being thirty-five wasn't going to be quite so bad, after all.

--

Part II: Kally

Kalasin loved birthdays. Maybe it was just a tad bit selfish of her, but she _liked_ the presents, and the cake, and having her family around her. That love never diminished as she grew older, but rather increased—if that was possible.

Maybe it was the fact that she looked forward to her birthday so much that made Kaddar so nervous about finding a present for her. She _did_ have high expectations, and he didn't want to fall short. The woman was frightening when she needed to be, and he wasn't quite ready to die yet.

Jewelry was a possibility; he thought that all women loved jewelry. It was finding a piece of jewelry that was unique and _Kalasin_ that was currently baffling him. The same went for any articles of clothing, and Kaddar valued his life too much to take Zaimid's suggestion of a red silk nightgown seriously, even though he had been very tempted by the idea.

After months of careful deliberation, Kaddar decided to take the obvious route.

He would ask her to accompany him on a late-night walk in the gardens, lure her into conversation about random topics, they could branch off-topic at will, and then she would be bound to tell him something that would give him _some_ idea about what to get her for her birthday. And then he could get her the perfect present, and then she would reward him with a kiss.

An ideal, simple plan, guaranteed to get him a good return.

Kaddar had reckoned without the fountain. Or the butterflies. The canary was the worst of all, by his reasoning.

There was a moment of utter silence, after they had both managed to get their heads above water and finally managed to catch their breath. Kaddar realized, too late, that the rim of the fountain really wasn't an ideal place for prolonged conversation. And it really, _really_ wasn't an ideal place for an impromptu late-night swim.

It was really quite astonishing that Kalasin could stare him down, even while dripping wet and immersed chin-deep in icy water. Kaddar pressed himself further against the stone center of the fountain, wishing he could use a disappearing spell right about now.

"…Sorry?" he ventured, at last.

The silence stretched for a few moments, before Kalasin crossed her arms. "Sorry?" she repeated disbelievingly. She splashed closer to him, until their faces were barely an inch apart, and then poked him in the chest. "You had a reason for this, and I demand to know what it was."

This was really far too embarrassing for any emperor to have to go through. "I…wanted to know what to get you for your birthday," he explained, somewhat lamely.

"And you did that by pushing me into a fountain."

Kaddar realized that explaining that he was just trying to protect her from the canary would be futile, and nodded mutely.

"I would _like_ it if my husband would refrain from pushing me into fountains and ruining my dress. I would also like it if the aforementioned husband could listen to the subtle hints I drop, instead of forming a convoluted scheme that is bound to go wrong."

Kaddar didn't really know what to say. "Do you really mean that?" The words sounded more forlorn than he intended, and he winced.

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't." Kalasin took him by the hand, and gave him a sweet, but damp, kiss. "I admire your tenacity. And I cannot hate the pathetic, anyway."

"Ah," Kaddar grinned. "I feel so much better now."

"As for the birthday present…" she trailed off, wringing out her hair on his tunic. "Use your imagination."

_Well, that was certainly anticlimactic, _he reflected a while later. _On the other hand, if my imagination turns toward that red silk nightgown, she can't blame me. _

Maybe it would be interesting to find a gift for the woman who seemingly had everything. After all, when it comes to finding presents…the possibilities are always endless.

--

Happy birthday to me! Kudos if anyone correctly guesses how old I'm turning. . And I was cast in the role of Kally for the second drabble, because supposedly I'm very hard to shop for. But hey. I'm not complaining.


End file.
